Have any of you made a New Year’s resolution?
It has become a common joke of how soon your passionately hot resolution flames out and, expires in a whisper of smoke.
So no resolutions for me...however, I have set some rather lofty goals for myself.
May I share how that is working out, thus far?
One of the most common resolu...I mean goals, is that of Losing weight, or eating right or getting back in to shape. And being a common man, one of limited creative thinking, I defaulted to all of the aforementioned. None of these topics are foreign to me and I have, in the past, performed with some degree of success, each and everyone.
Just not in the recent past.
My current physical prowess is about to be revealed, to you the reader, as it was to me, the fired up, goal achieving machine, just two days ago.
If one is to embark upon an arduous journey or adventure you would want the very best of training and latest information to prepare and use in your endeavor. So to the Internet I go and there discover a rather unique fitness program, developed and marketed by a man with impressive credentials and several letters after his name, none of which I had any idea as to their meaning or authenticity.
Lengthy instructions, Thee Special Method, an implementation chart, the chart key, training videos, training audios, triumph journals, no equipment required, BONUS strategic report, and BONUS teleseminar were all included. All of this and more ready for instant electronic delivery, to me.
I bought it immediately!
You are wanting one too, aren't you? (I'll get back to you on that. I'm certain he must have an affiliate program that I can join...)
Click click click, a quick and secure PayPal transaction, hit enter, yes I'm sure, and there it was, my golden ticket back to youthful vitality and energy. I could not wait to get started.
I'll skip the part about downloading with a slow connection, lengthy instructions and general navigation challenges for an amateur computer user to skip directly to the exciting part, the videos.
What unique routines this guy has developed and so simple. It almost looks too easy for the results that he has promised in such a short period. Piece of cake. Let’s get to this!
A few notes jotted down, a quick dry run of just some of the motions and I'm ready! Hum... Debbie is up earlier than usual this morning...here come the dogs...pat pat pat pat, ( we have four dogs ) 'Goodmorning Hun.'
I really would have preferred to do this first session in private, I was thinking, but I was on a mission. I'll just perform this simple little deal in the office, out of sight.
Huff puff cough gasp, jeez this guy goes fast...short break.... and lay on your back, on the floor......pause here for effect please.
As I squatted to sit on the hardwood floor several laws of physics came into play. Einstein, and I'm no Einstein but I have read "How to Think Like Einstein", plus I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express once, might have written it this way:
That should read:
Enlarged circumference + squatting motion + lack of exercise (squared) minus All Equilibrium = ahellofamess.
Or something like that.
As my rear end drew closer to the floor, my knees abruptly came in contact with my protruding midsection causing an impact that projected my chest and shoulders in a quick and forceful up and backward trajectory.
(Crap I forgot to mention the foot wear! Well so did the program developer. Always wear appropriate foot wear when exercising.)
The current trajectory then caused my feet to launch from under my body in a, rocket propelled, forward direction causing my house slippers to fly into the wall, near the ceiling. Milliseconds later my butt encountered the hardwood floor and my eyesight swept from baseboard, to pictures, wall clock, ceiling tile, ceiling fan and eyes closed, with my head now buried in the floor planking. The noise and vibrations produced during this event convinced the dogs that the UPS truck had backed through the front porch and was coming in the door. Barking and scratching for traction they raced to defend their domicile, only to send the cats hissing and growling for cover with a startled wife shouting to gain control and comprehend "what in the hell is going on?"
I have tried to put a good spin on this. But telling myself that my slapstick comedy skills are still sharp hasn't seemed to help.
I have recovered though and am proceeding with Thee Special Method, and I'm happy to say that my legs are so sore that I can barely rise from a seated position and stairs are avoided when possible. Yes, the exercises are working.
So why would a guy in his correct mind share such an embarrassing, personal, episode?
Try something new. It may not work out as planned, but go for it.
Learn from your mistakes. Wear the right shoes.
Laugh at yourself and let other laugh with you. As long as you are laughing, they are laughing with you, not at you. That puts you in control. So take yourself less serious.
Laughter they say is the best medicine, I think so too. Heart, lungs, brain, your smile, maybe even your abs all benefit from a good hard laugh. Caution! No milk drinking during this process.
That's my reason, my hope, that you are laughing with me and feeling better for it.
Call them what you like, goals, resoulutions...you know I do like the word resoulution.
Maybe it comes from the words resolve and solution, I really don't know. I'd like to think so.
Best definition I ever heard for 'resolve' was from an elementary age girl:
"Promising yourself, to never give up.”
I don't think it gets any better than that.
So, are you laughing with me now, are you resolving something to yourself?
That's my hope and wish for you, today and throughout this New Year.
PS: As I performed a spell check on this I found that, twice, I had misspelled 'resolution' toward the end of this Ramble. I think I'll leave them, just the way they are.
No animals, wives or UPS men were harmed in the producing of this Ramble.